Sometimes I feel like there really isn’t anyone there. I mean people will always say that they are there for you- on Facebook mainly. But no one really helps you day to day, it’s all talk. There’s no one person that just loves you unconditionally, forever and ever, no strings attached. Except maybe for cats, but then they just run away.
You can never just tell people how you feel, if you’re angry or sad, or if the way they act hurts you, pushes you away. You can never say how you are feeling, people will tell you that you’re overreacting, being a drama queen. No one really gives even a little bit of a shit.
I don’t think there is anyone is this entire world that I can just say how I feel, without being shut down, pushed aside. Except Tessa, but she’s gone.
My childhood wasn’t perfect, but fuck whose was? There was a lot of crap, but there were a few things that made it better. Harry Potter, Tessa, Aunty Ave and the knowledge I had that one day I would make something better for myself, and give my family what I never had.
But now that’s all gone to poop. Harry Potter is finished, Tessa is gone, Ave hates me and I don’t know how to have enough money. I’m always sick, I hate my job, I miss having friends and I feel I have to support Luke and teach him basic life’s skills. I feel like I am barley coping at the moment, which makes me sad because I always had such visions of grandeur for my life.
I don’t know, life is pretty lame.
I miss Tessa bell.
